Catch and Release

You have to be willing to throw a few small fish back in order to catch the big fish!

Every man you meet is not The One. As the saying goes, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.” You are committing to the frogs and not allowing yourself the time to find your prince. 

For a lot of women the fear of loneliness is the number 1 driving force behind such behavior. You have to realize that you are not alone when you have (and love) yourself. If you are desperate for companionship you may be blinded by that, and incapable of making a decision that truly encompasses your core needs and values. You may overlook the fact that he doesn't have a job, a car, nor has provided financial support for the family he previously established with another woman. But he fills that void you have for companionship. Be so full in yourself that the only reason for companionship is that you have found someone worthy enough for you to share the overflowing amount of love contained within you.  

You have to be honest and ask yourself;

1. Do I commit to every man I meet?   
2. Have I been able to end relationships on my terms?
3. Am I happy being alone?
4. Do I know my core values, beliefs, and boundaries?
5. Why am I looking for a partner?

Be honest as you answer these questions and allow the answers to be those that lie within your soul and spirit.  The worst thing you can do is be dishonest with yourself.  Answers like. "it's the right thing to do; I'm getting old; I'm tired of waiting." Just aren't good enough and all are influenced by external sources.  Who told you its the right thing?  Who told you you're getting too old to find love?  Who told you that you've waited too long for what's right for you?  Look beyond the surface of what the initial emotions and response is.  There are often much deeper things within you that have to be addressed before you can even begin to find a partner.  Don't be afraid to find what you truly desire.  That desire has been placed by the Creator and it will be fulfilled by the Creator. 

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Influence

"Do not be misled:  'Bad company corrupts good character.'" - 1 Corinthians 15:33

We always warn our children about their peer group and the influence they have on them.  As adults we tend to forget the influence people have on us because of the longevity of the relationships.  Often times these are the people whom we played with as children.  The thing is as we grow up and experience life we are no longer bound by the location and environments that were chosen for us by our caretakers.  Yet, we continue to maintain relationships that hinder us, simply because of loyalty, familiarity, and guilt.  There is a harsh reality to be faced about those coincidental relationships.  They are COINCIDENTAL.  

How to tell if someone is a negative influence:

Do you feel energized or full of positivity after being with this person?  If you find yourself mentally drained or having a sudden negative mood change after your interaction with them you should consider what type of energy/personality this person projects.  

Are you your best self when you're with this person?  If you have to pretend to be someone you are not in order to hang out with this person you should review the reason why.  

Do they support your goals, dreams, and ambitions?  If a peer belittles, downgrades, or blows off your goals you must ask yourself why are you subjecting yourself to someone who doesn't support you.
Are they immoral? This is an obvious one, but few people are willing to acknowledge that their friends and family are behaving immorally.  

Are they inconsiderate?  Relationships require action and committal from both parties.  And a peer that doesn't respect your perspective, needs, etc. may not be worth your time.  

Please be advised, I'm not advising you to sever ties with people whom you suspect may not be contributing positively to your life, however I am advising you to guard your time investment with such people.

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Broken Heart

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Hope

Hope. (n) a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

What is hope?
For me hope is believing that things will be different, it is believing that all my dreams and wished will come to be.  Hope is the belief that you will find peace in this crazy world.

Why hope?
Hope is what drives ordinary people to do extraordinary things.  Without hope how do we endure some of life's most difficult moment?  Imagine how disheartening it would be in troubling situation without any insight or prediction of success?  That is why we NEED hope.  Hope gives us the strength to give it another shot.  People whom have lost hope tend to be depressed and fearful because their vision is limited to the here and now vs. a better future or outcome.

How to be more hopeful

Set a goal.  I know it seems impossible to pursue a goal when it feels like the whole world is crashing around you.  But in having a goal that it allows you to focus on the crisis and determine an action plan to overcome whatever it may be.  Having a goal doesn't take the crisis away but it puts it into a perspective that can be easier to manage.

Seek Support.  You'd be surprised how many people have dealt with an experience similar to yours.  Not only are other people dealing with the same burdens many are thriving.  By staying connected and developing a strong supportive network you will have the experiences and successes of others to draw inspiration and hope from.

Keep your self esteem in tact.  It's easy when going through a stressful event to lose sight of our abilities and skills.  Always remind yourself of your strengths and positive attributes.  This helps build your confidence which you will need to overcome and endure.

Be adaptable.  People who can't adapt quickly will struggle when confronted with adversity.  By being adaptable you are able to quickly respond to a crisis and not be paralyzed by fear.

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Finding Peace

A Path to Inner Peace

The path to inner peace is a lifelong journey.  For most of us it's a destination we will never arrive to.  Don't be discouraged by the fact you may never arrive; be encouraged by the fact that the journey will leave you better off than if you never decided to begin.  

You don't have to wait until all the stars are perfectly aligned to begin your journey to inner peace.  Start your journey with what you have, who you are, and where you are RIGHT NOW.  

Preparation

Achieving inner peace starts with preparation.  In preparing for your first step you have to be ready and willing to:

• Confront the truth about yourself in all shapes and forms.  
• Allow and accept pain.  
• Fully accept your position and circumstances.   
• Allow time for meditation and reflection.
• Smile regardless of your current situation.
• Be consistently hopeful and optimistic.  

Honesty.  The worst lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves.  You know, "I'm fine" when you're actually drowning inside.  This is not being strong, this completely denying the truth about our emotions.  It is time to start being honest with ourselves. Allow yourself the opportunity to remove all the falsehoods, misrepresentations, and deceit you may have allowed yourself to believe about yourself.  It is time for you to remove the mask and become who you truly are.  If you don't believe you're dishonest with yourself see if the statements below apply:

• You say yes to things you don't want to see, be, or do.
• You continually over commit yourself. 
• You suppress your feelings about situations, people, and things.  

Pain.  Too often we allow the fear of emotional or physical pain obstruct our decision making abilities.  Often decisions that would remove us from the original source of the pain.  A mother will allow her adult child or drug addictive teen to repetitively abuse her emotionally because she doesn't want to experience the pain of having to watch her child struggle, and or fail.  Yet, she is willing to endure the endless pain that her child's self destructive behavior creates.  By allowing the pain she is at least giving herself and her child the opportunity to end the repetitive cycle of negative experiences and behavior.  Yes, making difficult and painful decisions are hard, but they provide an alternative path to hope.  

Acceptance.  A lack of acceptance is a major obstacle to finding peace.  We don't accept ourselves or our current circumstances.  We will do any and everything to avoid where we currently are, what we're currently experiencing, or how we are currently feeling.  Do yourself a favor and learn to allow yourself the opportunity to experience this, accept it, and learn the lesson being taught.  If you constantly are trying to circumvent it you are destined to repeat it.  

Meditate.  Meditation affords you the luxury of instant Peace.  It does take time to master meditation, but, every minute spent in a calm state is one less minute NOT in a state of worry, anxiety, stress, pain, or other destructive mindsets.  

Smile.  Smiling and laughter are the cure for almost any ailment.  I know that in the midst of a difficult situation the last thing you want to do is smile; but if you allow yourself to experience a positive mindset through those difficulties you can see the brighter side of things.  

Hope.  When we lose hope we open ourselves up to negativity and depression.  If you can't be hopeful about a situation perhaps it's time to remove yourself from it.  I am not encouraging delusional hope, but an honest approach to being hopeful.  

Each person's path to inner piece is different but by being honest with yourself; allowing yourself to experience pain but not be consumed by it; accepting your circumstances while improving; smiling and remaining hopeful; will help you begin to find inner peace.  

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A Goal Without A Plan is Just a Wish!

Goal Setting

Setting a goal provides you with the incentive and motivation you will need to stay the course for the task at hand.  When I first started my entrepreneurial adventure my goals were S. M. A. R. T. By following the 

S. M. A. R. T. goal setting idealology from the start my odds of success were increased.  

S. M. A. R. T. goals are:

S. Specific
M. Measurable
A. Attainable
R. Relevant
T. Time-Bound

One of the first goals for my business for to generate $3,750 per month by 8/17/10.

It was: 
Specific - Earn $3,750
Measurable - $3,750 by 8/7/10 (6 months after I launched my PTC  business)
Attainable - I had a strategy and plan which I developed to achieve this goal.  
Relevant - Of course my goal was relevant & critical to my own personal life plan.  
Time-Bound - I had a deadline that was set based upon the strategy I was implementing.  

Sometimes it can be quite difficult prioritizing your goals.  Often, we will have so many needs, wants, and desires it's overwhelming.  I realized I needed help so I turned to someone I trusted for assistance.  I turned to Zig Ziglar for inspiration.  Zig Ziglar has an excellent audio book called "Goals: Setting and Achieving Them on Schedule"  Zig Ziglar recommends that you spend at least 10 hours planning your goal, which is why on only 3% of the population has clearly defined objectives for their lives.  Zig's 5-step process will equip you with even more tools to become successful.  

Zig Ziglar's goal setting process:

1. #1 Create your dream list. Let your imagination run wild and write down everything you want, desire, and wish for. EVERYTHING!
2. Wait 24-48 hours!  Once the time is up consider "Why?" for each item on your dream list.  (If you can't HONESTLY express in a single sentence why cross this item off your list.  
3. With the remaining items on the list ask yourself these 5 questions.  If you can't answer yes to these questions cross the item off your list.  It's more of a dream than a goal.    
   • Is this really "my" goal?
   • Is this morally right and fair for everyone concerned?
   • Is it consistent with my other goals?
   • Can I emotionally commit to completing this goal?
   • Can I truly see myself achieving my goal?
4. With the remaining items on your list ask yourself these questions & if you can't answer yes to at least on of these questions cross it off the list.  
   • Will this goal make me happier?
   • Will this goal win me more friends?
   • Will this goal give me peace of mind?
   • Will this goal make me more secure?
   • Will this goal improve my relationship with others?
5. Divide the remaining goals into 3 categories;
   • Short - less than 1 month 
   • Medium - 1 month -  1 year
   • Long - greater than 1 year

There should be a mix of big goals to help you grow to reach your full potential; long range to keep you focused; and small to keep you on task daily.  

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Hard work does lead to failure, ooops, I mean success.

The truth behind succeeding.  

You would be surprised by how many people are unaware of the amount of failure experienced when we set out to achieve a goal.  Succeeding is not all of the glitz and glam portrayed on television.  When we view another person's success we only see the result.  We don't get to see the sleepless nights, the worry, or the failures.  All we see is the result of their endurance.

Almost every successful individual I've encountered have shared with me how difficult and trying their journey has been.  They speak of how much they've had to overcome in order to reach their goals.  I've come to realize that the sooner we embrace and understand this principle the easier it will be for us to overcome the roadblocks and obstacles we face in our own journey.  When we're able to associate these difficulties as being normal and part of the journey, we can begin to see success and achievement all lie on the other side of our failures.

"You always pass failure on the way to success." Mickey Rooney

Could you imagine what would've happened if Michael Jordan had given up on his hoop dreams when he was cut from his high school basketball team?  People who succeed in life all possess these key traits;

• Endurance.  Successful people are ready to weather the storm.  They know that the road may be difficult and challenging but the reward outweighs any challenges ahead. 
• Acceptance.  Successful people accept their failures and learn from them.  They don't allow themselves to be defeated by temporary setbacks.  
• Positivity.  Having a positive attitude is an imperative trait to possess when pursuing a goal.  You have to believe that you can achieve your goal.  
• Adaptable. Our world is changing at a rapid pace.  In order to succeed you have to be able to adapt to these changes and change course quickly.
• Reflection.  In order to evolve and develop the skills needed to advance to your next level self reflection is key.  How can you address that which truly stands to halt you in your tracks if you don't acknowledge it?
• Curiosity.  To succeed you have to be willing to constantly expand your current knowledge capacity.  Don't let your own education be something you were told you had to learn!           

“If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be.” - Dale Carnegie

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Dare to Dream

I decided this year to face my fears!  My fears were standing in the way of achieving my goals and living a better life.  My biggest fear was my DREAMS.  I was afraid of how large they were and how difficult achieving them would be.  I realized that far too long I was sitting back and living my life according to what it should be instead of what I wanted it be.  This was the result of my expectation that everyone would understand my goals and support me.  It was difficult for me to understand that everyone was viewing the world through their own eyes.  What was good for me may or may not have been what was good for another.  Once I realized and accepted this I begin to embrace my own dreams, goals, and ambitions.  I dared myself to dream.  I dared to believe the impossible was possible.  So the journey began.

Stay the course.  The pursuit of ones dream is a road that is unique to every traveler.  Consistency and perseverance are critical characteristics necessary as we pursue or goals and dreams.  Motivation and endurance are key traits that many of us fail to realize dwells within in us.  We question and doubt our abilities to stay the course and often lose focus on our journey.  Thankfully, each day we are given an opportunity to try again; we're given the opportunity to achieve what was unachievable previously.  In pursuit of our dreams we must embrace every encounter, difficulty, and achievement are thrust upon us in order to gain the wisdom necessary for the next leg of our journey.

"Don't let your excuses be bigger than your dreams."

Be Courageous.  The difficulty in personal success is finding the courage to confront our fears.  Everything we desire lies on the other side of that which we fear.  You can't land your dream job being afraid to take the first step; whether it's soliciting a new employer, enrolling in school, or launching your new business venture.  Be confident and step outside of your comfort zone, this is where your success and achievements dwell.   Learn to take those fearful first steps in stride and accept that sometimes you will succeed and sometimes you will learn a valuable lesson.  

Keep going.  For some getting started is pretty easy, for most staying the course is obstacle.  Learn to keep going, don't give up.   Find the confidence within yourself  to know that through persistence your efforts will eventually become the success you dream of.  Rest, if you must but don't quit.  

Be of service to others.  Your journey and experience can be the motivation and encouragement that others need.  Remember that when you started, you sought the expertise of those whom have succeeded before you.  We are all integral elements in the circle of life, when we help others we are in turn helping ourselves.  Even if you have just started pursuing your dreams there is someone who has not yet started; open your heart, lean on your faith and extend your hand to help another.  Learn to see the light in others, even when they can't see it in themselves; treat them as if that is all you see.  Our jobs are not to judge; our jobs are not to determine who deserves something.  Our jobs is to encourage, motivate, heal, and restore.  Don't add to the broken people in the world, help with the healing.  

The road that leads to our goals and dreams will take us places, give us new experiences, and reveal strengths we didn't know we possessed.  I encourage you to dare to dream, dare to dream that the impossible is possible.  

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