Victim Mindset

"Stop treating yourself as a victim of your past.  Just be a confident survivor and you be able to handle anything.

Self-evaluation and self-criticism is difficult especially when you have issues with low self-esteem or self-confidence.  It’s easier for people to place blame on things outside of self. When you blame all your problems or successes on outside influences you give up all power and opportunity to improve or change a situation.  This approach creates an invisible shield that is used to deflect bad feelings or experiences.  This “shield” robs you and can render your “sword” (hope) useless.  Pick up your sword and use it to slay the problems in your life. 

A victim mentality creates the illusion that part of your life is controlled by others, leaving you feeling powerless over situations.

Steps to regain control and power of your life and to stop being a victim:

1.      Describe or focus on an event in your past good/bad.

2.      Acknowledge how your decision/action affected this event.

3.      If you were satisfied with the outcome reflect on this and take ownership of it.  If you weren’t satisfied with the outcome take time to reflect on what actions (by you) resulted in an unfavorable outcome and what could be done differently in the future. 

4.      Learn from it. Whatever the outcome make sure you walk away with knowledge!

Not sure if you have a victim mindset?  Here are a few questions to ask yourself;

1.      Are a lot of your obstacles related to other people’s actions?

2.      Are you unable to see the commonality in of yourself in your life?

3.      Do you find it difficult to recover from unfavorable outcomes?

4.      Are you holding on to anger/resentment against someone whom you believe has done some wrong to you?

5.      Do outside influences/events constantly alter your direction?

So what to do about a victim mindset?  Like most things, change the way you think!  Stop seeing yourself as someone who is powerless.  Remember nothing in life is happening to you, it’s happening because of you!

I strongly suggest reading Joyce Meyers, Battlefield of the Mind.  This is a great book that deals with self-talk and spiritual healing. 

Bring on 2013!!!!!

My goals for 2013 are simple!

-        Mediate daily

Ideally I’d like to spend at least 15 minutes each morning for reflection, preparation, and meditation.  Starting my day at peace will allow me to be in peace the entire day. 

-        Learn a new craft

When it comes to artisanship I really don’t have any skills.  I have basic knowledge on various “crafts” but no real skills.  Some of the things I’m considering is creating organic bath & body products, learning to crochet, learn to sew, and I’d like to learn to sculpt with clay.

-        Eat more natural, unprocessed foods

I refuse to say I’m going on a diet.  For me going on a diet translates to eating flavorless crap!  Instead I’ve chosen to dupe myself into eating better.  My plan is to limit eating anything that isn’t made from scratch!  No more polycarbonates, unsaturated, saturates, unless the fruit, vegetable, meat or grain contains those things naturally! 

-        Exercise 3X’s week

Again, I have to dupe myself!  Trying to lose weight is taboo for me!  When I don’t see myself shedding the pounds as I’d like I get very frustrated and end up jumping off the wagon.  This year my plan is to just exercise at least 3 times a week.  If I lose some pounds great, if I don’t at least I’m doing my body some good!

-        Plant a vegetable garden

I’ve always viewed gardening as WORK!  And after working 40+ hours per week the last thing I want to do is back breaking physical labor!  It’s truly amazing how becoming FED UP with something will change your perspective.  Next to the mortgage the largest expense for my family is F-O-O-D!  And if you saw my bank statement you’d know that buffets & fast food chains were sucking up a lot of my money.  Not to mention what I’m teaching my 4 impressionable children!   I became fed up when I saw the amount of stress our spending was putting on myself and my husband.  I realized the expenses we’re incurring are completely unnecessary and VERY bad for us!  So I hit the books and began learning about where food comes from and how I can do it myself! 

-        Break my bad habits that lead to my clutter problem

(un)Fortunately I have a rebellion problem.  I rebel against everything.  One of the first things I rebelled against when I left home was my mother’s “cleanliness” rules.  What I saw as her being overbearing and unyielding “neat freakishness” was actually her trying to teach me the basic skills I would need later in life.  Fast forward 13 years, and I now have some major bad habits when it comes to picking up after me.  NO, I don’t go around leaving a trail behind me, but I do tend to leave magazines and papers in piles!  As easy as it should be this is something I struggle with and really would like to see improved.

Ego

Oh, the ego, such a fragile delicate little thing you are.  According to the dictionary the definition for the ego is

1. The “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought. 2. Psychoanalysis. The part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment. 3. egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day. 4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.

"With the disappearance of God the Ego moves forward to become the sole divinity." ~Dorothee Sölle~

"The great corrupter of public man is the ego. Looking at the mirror distracts one's attention from the problem." Dean Acheson

"Conceit causes more conversation than wit."La Rochefoucauld

"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. “Frank Leahy

"Our ego is our silent partner...too often with a controlling interest." Cullen Hightower

"Many could forgo heavy meals, a full wardrobe, a fine house, etcetera. It is the ego they cannot forgo." Mohandas Gandhi

"Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do." Bruce Crampton

"All works are being done by the energy and power of nature, but due to delusion of ego people assume themselves to be the doer." Bhagavad Gita

"Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction." Aesop

“The ego is a deep desire to dominate. The ego is a deep desire that says, "I am special, higher, bigger, greater than you." Osho

“Hell is for all extraordinary people. They may be in politics, in art, literature -- wherever they are, hell is for all geniuses, for all extraordinary people, all egoists. Ego is the hell, it gives you suffering -- because unnecessarily you start conflicting with everything. You are never at ease, unease becomes your style of life; with the ego you will always be at unease. Ego is a discomfort; it is a nail in the shoe, it continuously pinches, but you want to be extraordinary.” Osho

“Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it. “ Colin Powell

“Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent. “Sigmund Freud

Dreams

To most people I’m just a dreamer.  Because I’m an extreme optimist and like to see the best in everything I’m a dreamer.  I believe that life is intended to be lived to the fullest and every moment should be relished.  Each experience offers a lesson or an opportunity.  I don’t believe my creator placed me here with all these goals, desires, dreams, wishes, and ideas to live life ordinarily.  I’m not talking living a luxurious or lavish life (although I wouldn’t mind thatJ) I’m talking about living a life that each morning is greeted with joy and enthusiasm instead of dread and fear.  There’s elation of anticipation when I think about what life will bring me each day.  This is my idea of living my dreams. 

 “All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.”  ~Elias Canetti

“Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you.”  ~Marsha Norman

“Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.”  ~Edgar Cayce

Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep.  ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

“Some colors exist in dreams that are not present in the waking spectrum.”  ~Terri Guillemets

“The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.”  ~Ashleigh Brilliant

“Dreams are more real than reality itself, they're closer to the self.”  GAO XINGJIAN, Dialogue and Rebuttal

“If we couldn't dream, our lives wouldn't mean anything anymore.” GEORGE KAISER, The Raft of the Medusa

“Dreams are the seedlings of reality.” NAPOLEON HILL

“There are men who would do anything, asleep, and I'm not sure what stops them when they wake. I do not know how they draw the line.” ANNE ENRIGHT, The Gathering

“People who are most afraid of their dreams convince themselves they don't dream at all.” JOHN STEINBECK

“All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” ORISON SWETT MARDEN

“You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get.” MICHAEL PHELPS

“The blackest murder is the killing of the Soul's aspirations!” EDWIN LEIBFREED

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

“Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.” ~Sigmund Freud

Anger

Anger is an emotion just like happiness, embarrassment, fear, and sadness.  Anger becomes dangerous when it becomes the foundation of your actions.  Anger is powerful and should be treated with respect.  How often have we seen perfectly sane and rational people make life altering decisions because of anger?  Anger is usually released when some sort of boundary has been crossed.  It tells us we’ve been hurt or violated and did not want to be.  It is how you react to anger which determines whether or not you control anger or it controls you!  Enjoy some quotes related to anger. 

“If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?”  ~Sydney J. Harris

“Life is too short to hold a grudge, also too long.”  ~Robert Brault

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”  ~Author Unknown

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”  ~Will Rogers

“Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge.”  ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.  ~Korean Proverb

Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.  ~Chinese Proverb

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”  ~Albert Einstein

“Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.”  ~Lyman Abbott

“If you get upset when the toast burns, what are you going to do when your house burns down?”  ~Author Unknown

“Two things a man should never be angry at: What he can help, and what he cannot help.”  ~Thomas Fuller

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” Marcus Aurelius

“If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase." Epictetus

The Art of Perfection

Many are plagued with the idea that perfection is achievable.  I don’t believe it is.  Excellence is a definite, but not perfection.  Below are some quotes on the throws of perfection.

“A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault.”  ~John Henry Newman

“To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.  ~From the television show Ally McBeal

“Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.”  ~Confucius, Analects

“When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target.”  ~George Fisher

“Unless I accept my faults I will most certainly doubt my virtues.”  ~Hugh Prather

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.”  ~Salvador Dali

“When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.”  ~Bill Lemley

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
― Donald Miller

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.”
― Michael J. Fox

“Nobody's perfect. We're all just one step up from the beasts and one step down from the angels.”
― Jeannette Walls, Half Broke Horses

“The maxim, "Nothing prevails but perfection," may be spelled PARALYSIS.”
― Winston Churchill

“Perfection' is man's ultimate illusion. It simply doesn't exist in the universe.... If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do.”
― David Burns

Living in the past

One thing I’ve found is that a lot of people dwell in their past.  Know that each day is a new day and a new chance to do, be and see better!  Don’t focus on yesterday unless you want a mindset of woulda, shoulda, and coulda. Constantly practicing this thought pattern robs you of can, did, and done!  Enjoy some quotes on change and the past!

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past are certain to miss the future." John F. Kennedy

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.”  ~Michael Cibenko

 “I have memories - but only a fool stores his past in the future.”  ~David Gerrold

“We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today.  I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great.  If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.”  ~Art Buchwald

 “If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today.” ~Author Unknown

“Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way.”  ~Edna Ferber

“Opportunities fly by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.”  ~Jerome K. Jerome, The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, 1889