Silence you inner 5 year old!

I want, I want, I want!  Sounds like something you'd here a 5 year old screaming throughout a toy store.  Well, those 5 year olds are now 25+ still screaming, "I want, I want, I want!"  Now instead of Tonka trucks, baby dolls, and video games, they're screaming for cars, computers, and houses.

There's nothing wrong with wanting, for it ignites drive, determination, and motivation.  The issue lies in the inability to patiently wait for what you want.  Children are impulsive, so when they want something they want it NOW! As we grow and mature that impulsiveness is controlled, to an extent.  Sometime in adults that impulsiveness manifests itself in the overly extended, ever growing, limit exceeding consumer debt.  Today so many people are stressed, stuck, and unhappy due to the debts they've incurred buying "stuff", stuff they could've purchased in time without the incurred debt.  How many of your coworkers, peers, friends, and family members are stuck in jobs they don't want because of debt?

Tips to Avoid the Debt Trap

• Avoid emotionally driven impulse spending.  
• Appreciate what you have today.
• Understand that it's the job of marketers and advertisers to leave you feeling inadequate without their product, trust me you don't need it!
• Begin using a cash based budget.
• Don't accrue anymore debt.
• Don't fall in the trap of spending money in order to save money! 
• Seek fulfillment and wholeness outside of material possessions.  1 pair, yet another 20 pair will be enough to make you feel whole inside.  
• Determine a want vs. need.
• Set goals for your finances.

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About Facing Fear

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The path to greatness starts here!

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." Zig Ziglar

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"All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas......." Shel Silverstein

I was an only child for 8 years, so I spent a great deal of time immersed in books.  My favorite was Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.  His stories were so silly to me.  

Reading was so important to me.  I had a very busy brain and books allowed an escape from the noise while improving my intellect (No, I didn't know that then).  I was a normal kid, quite social, athletic, fun loving but I was a bit "wired".  I was hyperactive, I had a ton of mental energy!  At the end of my day when I still required stimulation I would often cuddle up with a book and read.  I fell in love with the knowledge, the humor, the sadness, the hope, there was so much to love.  Books opened my imagination, and freed it to go anywhere.  Not just anywhere within the bounds of my imagination, but I could visit the imaginations of others through their words and the worlds they would create.  

Recently while listening to a Podcast and the speaker quoted Shel Silverstein.  “All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas....... starts a Poem by Shel Silverstein.    

"All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas" by Shel Silverstein

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin' in the sun,
Talkin' 'bout the things
They woulda coulda shoulda done...
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little Did. 

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Change

Did you know there is an actual psychological diagnosis for those that fear change? Metathesiophobia is the medical jargon for it.  Why do people fear change?  For some of us we'd rather stay in a miserable familiar situation than venture out into unfamiliar territory and potentially find something better.

Change by definition is simple; the modification of a situation, environment, mental/physical condition that alters the current path.  Yet, so many struggle with change.  Often the fear of change lies in our lack of confidence in our decision making abilities.  Decision making is often based upon our inner sense of knowing what to do.  This "knowing" is formed by our scope of previous experiences and know how.  The thing about change is that it takes us into an unfamiliar territory.  For many this is when fear sets in.  Because we can't predict the outcome our mind begins to play out all sorts of scenarios (often unfounded).  It is these self limiting beliefs of fear that keep us stagnant.  Originally fear was an emotion to keep us safe from real dangers, like charging animals.  We no longer have those dangers but the emotion of fear has remained but we use it in a manner often inapplicable to the situations involved.

Why do we fear change?

• We seek friends, social situations, and experiences that reinforce our current beliefs.  
• We don't like the illusion of failure.  
• We dislike criticism.
• We don't want to be wrong or make the wrong choice.



Fall is a visual representation of change.










• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real)
• We don't understand our core beliefs and how their affect.
• We tend to operate from a place of imagined outcome vs. true intent.  

"Fall is an incredible time of year.  It is a vibrant depiction of change.  You see powerful trees once full of flora and awe becoming dormant and entering a state of dormancy.  Come spring those dormant plants come alive with vibrancy and strength they haven't shown before."

You have this sense of unrest, displeasure or perhaps you just know something just isn't quite right.  Maybe you're unhappy with your social life, work life, relationships, physical appearance, whatever it may be you realize that change is needed.  So how do you go about getting past the fear and making a change?

Planning/Anticipation is the point in the change process where you realize change is needed.  This is often the point where many get hung up and paralyzed.  Often our emotional barriers suspend our decision making abilities and blocks out our ability to focus.  This is where you waiver and are indecisive.  You know what is needed but you may not be fully committed to changing.   Take time to weigh whether or not staying the same is worse than changing.  Debate the pros and cons of change within your mind or write them down.  CALM DOWN!  Excitability and fear all hinder change.  Once you've accepted that change is necessary begin to enact a plan to achieve the desired change.  

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Salute to those whom have served!

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Failing Forward

It is in reflection that we find an opportunity for personal growth and development.  Mistakes are simply the result of action, they are not condemning. Mistakes are an opportunity to find a better solution.

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Quote Meme

I have to admit, I love quote meme's. I found this one so motivating yet simple. It's true, each of us only have so many tomorrow's.

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"You care too much!"

"You care too much!" "You're too emotional!" These are things I've heard too many times.

If someone around me was having a bad day I felt an impulse to try to improve their mood.  If I couldn't improve their mood, than I would take on their emotions, which was WAY too much for "Little Miss Sunshine".  Unfortunately, most people are so caught up in the rat race they turn into miserable, unfulfilled, selfish, all-consuming zombies.  These were the emotions I found myself surrounded by and unable to detach from.

So I tried to turn my empathy off hoping that this would help.  That was a mistake.  Trying to bottle up so much emotion was detrimental for my physical and mental health.  As I tried to numb myself I began to experience; migraines, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, and depression.  I quickly determined that my attempt to suppress my empathy and the related emotions was contributing to the physical symptoms I was experiencing.  As I was stuffing all those emotions inside me they were seeping out in negative ways.  I needed to learn how to manage my empathy in a way that was not self destructive.  (As an empathetic person your needs are often set aside while you care for others.)  I also realized that I was attempting to suppress the one thing that made me different from the majority and more like the Creator.

As I re embraced my empathetic "condition" I had to find a way to use my empathy as a gift instead of the curse I was allowing it to become.  I began to understand that the reason I was so sensitive to others emotions is because it was in the nature of my spirit to help others.  But, in order for me to help others my emotional state had to be stable.  So, I began to research sensitive and empathetic personalities.  I learned some great tips on how to protect such a sensitive soul.

Practices for the Empathetic Soul

Don't Take on the Responsibilities of Others.  It's easy to want to help and see those around us happy, but don't stand in the way of another persons opportunity to grow and experience life.  If someone should be doing something allow them to do so.  

Set Boundaries.  It's easy for a sensitive, emotional, or empathetic personality to have a hard time setting boundaries.  As peacekeepers we like to see everyone happy, so we often allow things we don't like to happen, happen.  It's okay to say NO.  No, is a form a self respect and allows us to function and have our needs met while meeting the needs of others.  

Spend Time Alone.  Alone time is critical.  Being alone is the time to unload and process the emotions we're feeling.  It's a time to reflect on things.  Meditation and reading are great activities to do during your alone time.   

Get Physical.  Physical activity can be a cleansing for the empathetic personality.  Physical activity allows us to be "in the moment" vs. being constantly absorbed in our minds and surroundings.  Also the stress of feeling everything around us is physically demanding and activity is a great way to release this tension and energy. 

Ground Yourself.  This is critical.  We must find a way to keep ourselves grounded and aligned with our spiritual nature.  Often time the Ego can sneak up and become a dominate trait where we lose all sense of the life forces around us.

Know Your Emotional Limits.  You have to learn and understand your emotions.  Don't try to suppress them.  Feel them and let them go.  You don't have to react to every feeling you have.  They are just that, feelings.  

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Victim Mindset

"Stop treating yourself as a victim of your past.  Just be a confident survivor and you be able to handle anything.

Self-evaluation and self-criticism is difficult especially when you have issues with low self-esteem or self-confidence.  It’s easier for people to place blame on things outside of self. When you blame all your problems or successes on outside influences you give up all power and opportunity to improve or change a situation.  This approach creates an invisible shield that is used to deflect bad feelings or experiences.  This “shield” robs you and can render your “sword” (hope) useless.  Pick up your sword and use it to slay the problems in your life. 

A victim mentality creates the illusion that part of your life is controlled by others, leaving you feeling powerless over situations.

Steps to regain control and power of your life and to stop being a victim:

1.      Describe or focus on an event in your past good/bad.

2.      Acknowledge how your decision/action affected this event.

3.      If you were satisfied with the outcome reflect on this and take ownership of it.  If you weren’t satisfied with the outcome take time to reflect on what actions (by you) resulted in an unfavorable outcome and what could be done differently in the future. 

4.      Learn from it. Whatever the outcome make sure you walk away with knowledge!

Not sure if you have a victim mindset?  Here are a few questions to ask yourself;

1.      Are a lot of your obstacles related to other people’s actions?

2.      Are you unable to see the commonality in of yourself in your life?

3.      Do you find it difficult to recover from unfavorable outcomes?

4.      Are you holding on to anger/resentment against someone whom you believe has done some wrong to you?

5.      Do outside influences/events constantly alter your direction?

So what to do about a victim mindset?  Like most things, change the way you think!  Stop seeing yourself as someone who is powerless.  Remember nothing in life is happening to you, it’s happening because of you!

I strongly suggest reading Joyce Meyers, Battlefield of the Mind.  This is a great book that deals with self-talk and spiritual healing. 

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Bring on 2013!!!!!

My goals for 2013 are simple!

-        Mediate daily

Ideally I’d like to spend at least 15 minutes each morning for reflection, preparation, and meditation.  Starting my day at peace will allow me to be in peace the entire day. 

-        Learn a new craft

When it comes to artisanship I really don’t have any skills.  I have basic knowledge on various “crafts” but no real skills.  Some of the things I’m considering is creating organic bath & body products, learning to crochet, learn to sew, and I’d like to learn to sculpt with clay.

-        Eat more natural, unprocessed foods

I refuse to say I’m going on a diet.  For me going on a diet translates to eating flavorless crap!  Instead I’ve chosen to dupe myself into eating better.  My plan is to limit eating anything that isn’t made from scratch!  No more polycarbonates, unsaturated, saturates, unless the fruit, vegetable, meat or grain contains those things naturally! 

-        Exercise 3X’s week

Again, I have to dupe myself!  Trying to lose weight is taboo for me!  When I don’t see myself shedding the pounds as I’d like I get very frustrated and end up jumping off the wagon.  This year my plan is to just exercise at least 3 times a week.  If I lose some pounds great, if I don’t at least I’m doing my body some good!

-        Plant a vegetable garden

I’ve always viewed gardening as WORK!  And after working 40+ hours per week the last thing I want to do is back breaking physical labor!  It’s truly amazing how becoming FED UP with something will change your perspective.  Next to the mortgage the largest expense for my family is F-O-O-D!  And if you saw my bank statement you’d know that buffets & fast food chains were sucking up a lot of my money.  Not to mention what I’m teaching my 4 impressionable children!   I became fed up when I saw the amount of stress our spending was putting on myself and my husband.  I realized the expenses we’re incurring are completely unnecessary and VERY bad for us!  So I hit the books and began learning about where food comes from and how I can do it myself! 

-        Break my bad habits that lead to my clutter problem

(un)Fortunately I have a rebellion problem.  I rebel against everything.  One of the first things I rebelled against when I left home was my mother’s “cleanliness” rules.  What I saw as her being overbearing and unyielding “neat freakishness” was actually her trying to teach me the basic skills I would need later in life.  Fast forward 13 years, and I now have some major bad habits when it comes to picking up after me.  NO, I don’t go around leaving a trail behind me, but I do tend to leave magazines and papers in piles!  As easy as it should be this is something I struggle with and really would like to see improved.

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